Why is money such a problem for couples? People don’t talk about money. They think it pours cold water on a hot romance. Then the first money talk breaks out into a huge fight. Then people avoid talking about money under the theory that they don’t want to fight.
What are some of the differences couples have? We did a poll. Women said that money should be spent first on other members of the family, then on the household and then on clothes and shoes. The men wanted to make the house payment and then cars and boats and other fun stuff, and third was sporting equipment and tools. Look at those lists. They’re as different as night and day.
Can the lists be merged? What happens if you make it one list: you have a well-decorated house that’s paid for, cared-for family members, cars, clothes, boats and tools. You’re soon going to end up on the same page. It might break out into a fight, but that’s OK. We all come to the table with an inclination to save or spend, and you need to get that out on the table right away.
What are some of the other issues that couples face? Just showing your earnings to one another is tricky. People often aren’t honest. She thought she was marrying a man who makes $100,000 and it turns out that he makes $86,000. Or a woman may come into a marriage with a lot of debt.
Why do people lie? People just don’t want to totally disclose what’s going on in their financial life. They don’t consider it lying. A woman might put a new sweater in the closet for four months and when she finally wears it, her husband will ask her if that’s a new sweater and she’ll say, “I’ve had it for four months.”
How should people handle it? Six months before marriage, an engaged couple must commence talking about the financial issues of the household. She may have certain expectations about where they’re going financially, but he may have a totally different take on how it’s going to go for the first year. And they won’t find that out until they come back from their honeymoon.
Any specific money issues newlyweds should handle first? Well, wills, but you have to get to the hard stuff first. Couples need a money system. Saving should be done first—before there’s any spending of any kind. Couples will say, “Because we’re married, let’s go get new furniture and a bigger house.”
How often does money play a role in divorce? If you do an exit interview of divorcing couples, you see that 75 percent of the divorces are because of fighting over financial issues.
