Saying that the tires were a threat to all living things, manufacturers sent telegrams to every tire owner on earth, telling them to return their tires at once. Efforts to deliver the telegrams were hampered by the fact that Western Union trucks no longer had tires on them, sources reported.
The drastic move may have significant ramifications for the profits of tire, rubber and wheel manufacturers. It is also expected to result in a marked increase in the number of people who walk to places.
In a separate development, a government report released today said that tire ownership was more dangerous than smoking, obesity, and certain rodeo and circus tricks. Congressional sources indicated that a legislative move to ban tires permanently may be on the agenda when Congress reconvenes this autumn.
The two presidential nominees were quick to comment on the nation’s growing tire crisis. Texas Governor George W. Bush told an audience in Minnesota, “The decision to ban all of the tires in the world saddens me, because I just learned how to spell ’tire.’ " Commenting on the tire ban on NBC’s “Meet the Press,” Vice President Al Gore remarked, “As the inventor of the modern tire, I deeply regret this development.”
