The Original Poster (OP), known as u/1234anonythrowaway, posted about the situation in a now-deleted post in Reddit’s popular “TrueOffMyChest” forum.
The post had over 10,500 upvotes and 900 comments before it was deleted by forum moderators for being “off topic.”
Relationships and COVID
The COVID-19 pandemic affected many relationships, especially individuals who shared space with their significant other or had differing opinions about various safety measures.
Researchers found that divorce rates skyrocketed during the height of the pandemic, with newlyweds being affected at a higher rate than other couples.
Diana Wiley, Ph.D. LMFT and author of Love in the Time of Corona, told Newsweek that many relationships suffered during the pandemic due to a lack of proper communication.
Wiley said she noticed more anxiety and depression between couples during the height of the pandemic, with that anxiety only worsening with couples who have differing views about the pandemic.
“Communication is essential,” Wiley said. “I’ve seen huge rifts and it’s caused by these political differences. I suggest that they be a really good listener. So many people don’t really listen very well and they’ve simply got to communicate.”
She added that it is important not to be condescending or speak down to their partner but rather open up a judgment-free dialogue regarding differing opinions.
“The person who believes in vaccinations should be aware that the denier has very black and white thinking,” Wiley said. “The common goal really should be to prevent harm or to protect the children. But, in doing that, it’s important to acknowledge the fears and concerns of the denying partner.”
By acknowledging a partner’s fear, the partner might feel heard and be more open to hearing a differing viewpoint.
“Avoid talking down to that person because if you start being condescending you start appearing arrogant,” Wiley said. “That really destroys good, healthy communication.”
‘A Switch Flipped’
In the post titled “Wife doesn’t believe in covid, I’m an emergency doctor, so we’re separating,” the OP said he and his wife were happily married before the pandemic hit in March 2020.
“She had always been an empathetic woman, so sweet and understanding. I loved and cherished every second married to her,” the post read. “But it’s like when covid hit a switch flipped.”
Despite the OP being an emergency room doctor, he said his wife refused to receive a COVID-19 vaccine or wear a mask. He added that she often made “snide” remarks about the pandemic and rolls her eyes when he wears a mask.
When his wife did get COVID, he and her mom “waited on her hand and foot” and she received 24/7 care while the OP and her mom worked full-time healthcare positions.
“She still has fatigue and shortness of breath, but oh no, covid is nothing and I don’t deserve to be upset that she listens to Joe Rogan podcasts, and other sorts of media, with me right beside her in bed for hours after bedtime,” the post read. “Seriously. It’s bad enough she keeps me awake but for that is something else.”
The Breaking Point
Recently, the two got into a fight regarding a trip to visit their young niece––his sister’s daughter––who recently caught COVID. He said his sister refuses to get his niece vaccinated, only letting her receive what was required for school.
While the OP was upset, his wife “diminished the risks” and the potential “severity” of the situation by making a comment that she should be better by the time they visit in December.
“She did NOT like when I said my niece could die,” the post read. “She insisted ‘well I was fine,’ so I said ‘don’t say that to someone who was overworked during the pandemic, just don’t.’ She snorted, as if it was funny, and rolled her eyes saying that it wasn’t ‘all covid.’”
The OP thought about all the times his wife held him in tears after what he experienced in the ER, including severe exhaustion and nightmares.
“It’s throwing that entire period and especially our entire marriage into stark relief,” the post read. “The woman I married is there somewhere, buried under ‘I don’t need to wear a mask or vaccinate for other people.’”
But, the OP said he is not waiting for her to change her perspective, saying it was his “breaking point.”
“She could say right now that she understands the severity and she’d promise to change, but it’s too late,” the post read. “I dealt with snide comments, with her mocking my contribution to public health, the dismissal of my entire profession, for too long.”
Redditor Reactions
More than 900 users commented on the post, many supporting the OP for wanting to leave the marriage.
“I can’t imagine going through 4 years of med school, residency and fellowships just to share a life with someone who doesn’t believe in everything the profession entails,” one user commented. “That’s crazy. I hope you find peace.”
“I heard something midway through the pandemic that has stuck with me: ‘odds are we will get over the pandemic, but we may never get over what the pandemic has revealed about the people closest to us,’” another commented.
“A friend went through the same thing and ended in divorce,” another user commented. “Propaganda is powerful, so powerful they will turn their backs on family.”
“It turns people into strangers,” the OP replied.
Newsweek reached out to u/1234anonythrowaway for comment.
Other Viral Posts
In another viral post, a spouse was praised for wanting to leave their wife over her anxiety during work trips. One man was heavily criticized by commenters after revealing that he wanted to have an open marriage until his wife lost weight.
One man was slammed for saying he was “horrified” that his sister, an ICU nurse, strips down into her underwear after work to avoid contaminating her home.
