Take a breath to center yourself, then begin talking once you’re more calm and focused. In truth, this is a good strategy to use all the time. Definitely don’t interrupt them as soon as you hear something hurtful like “you’re so negative. ” Instead, let them finish while you manage two tasks at once—listening to what they have to say while also beginning to formulate your response. [2] X Research source
“I’m not sure I follow you. Can you explain what you mean by calling me negative?” “I see. In what ways do you find me to be negative?”
You might say: “It’s true, I do tend to point out the potential downsides when making difficult decisions. ” Or: “I’ll admit that I was feeling pretty negative when I got fired and my dog ran away on the same day. ” Note that, in each of the examples above, you’re admitting to negativity while denying that it’s an unreasonable or overwhelming part of who you are.
“No, I’m not a negative person. I’m a reasonable person based on the situation I’m in. ” “I disagree. I have a positive attitude about a lot of things. ”
“Well, I’m positive you don’t have a future as a motivational speaker. ” “Yeah, I was feeling really positive until about 30 seconds ago. I don’t know what could have caused that…do you?”
“Better than being nougat-ive, I guess! Actually I like candy bars with nougat in them…but what is nougat anyway?” “Ever notice how ‘negative’ is a good thing medically? That was a plot point from a ‘Seinfeld’ episode…let me see if I can remember which one. ”
“Thank you for letting me know how you feel. ” “Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate your honesty. ”
It’s natural to react to feedback—even negative feedback—by using it as motivation to improve. But it’s also natural to ignore it so you can avoid feeling bad. That means it’s okay if you just don’t feel like trying to learn from the experience this time![9] X Research source
Some signs of negativity you might look for include, for example, frequently complaining, speaking poorly about others, pointing out the worst-case scenario all the time, and shooting down others’ ideas. You might choose to draw out an actual scale, with “negative person” at zero and “positive person” at ten. From there, you might decide you’re something like a six on the scale. Or, if you don’t want to take this task quite so literally, just give some honest thought to whether you can be more negative than expected sometimes. The good news: whether you grade yourself as “very negative,” “slightly negative sometimes,” or “mostly positive,” there are ways to increase your positivity!
Identifying the sources of your negative feelings is an important step toward managing them. It also helps you understand that you are a “person who has negative feelings,” not a “negative person. ” If you’re having trouble identifying the sources of your negative feelings, talk to someone you trust and ask for their help in evaluating your situation.
Look for a new job to get out of a toxic work environment. Cut back on contact with an extremely negative family member. Adjust your daily schedule to help keep your stress in check. Talk to a professional counselor about your feelings of negativity.
Focusing on the facts. Imagine yourself as an old-time TV detective who’s looking for “just the facts. ” If the facts aren’t there, tell yourself to cast aside the negativity. Breathing it out. When the negative feelings well up inside you, breathe in slowly to a count of four, hold in the breath to a count of four, and slowly breathe out to a count of six (the “4-4-6 method”). Repeat as needed. Practicing self-care. Engaging in stress-busting activities and making healthy diet, exercise, and sleep choices can really help reduce your negative feelings. Journaling. Create a safe space where you can release some of your negative energy. Practicing gratitude. Say 5 different things that you’re grateful for each day.
Focusing on the facts. Imagine yourself as an old-time TV detective who’s looking for “just the facts. ” If the facts aren’t there, tell yourself to cast aside the negativity. Breathing it out. When the negative feelings well up inside you, breathe in slowly to a count of four, hold in the breath to a count of four, and slowly breathe out to a count of six (the “4-4-6 method”). Repeat as needed. Practicing self-care. Engaging in stress-busting activities and making healthy diet, exercise, and sleep choices can really help reduce your negative feelings. Journaling. Create a safe space where you can release some of your negative energy. Practicing gratitude. Say 5 different things that you’re grateful for each day.
If, however, they’re clearly someone who has your best interests at heart and made an honest mistake by being a little too harsh with their truth-telling, don’t rush to cut them out of your life. For example, if your boyfriend blurted out “You’re such a negative person” when he really wanted to say “I wish you could find ways to be more positive about things,” consider cutting him some slack. But, if he’s always harping on how negative and annoying you are, strongly consider finding a new boyfriend!
