“I should have realized that you’d be uncomfortable with a proposal in public. I’m so sorry that I let my ideas for a grand proposal get in the way of making it special for you. I hope you’ll give me the chance to make up for my mistake. ” “I know you’re disappointed that I don’t have a ring. I should have waited until I had one and I truly apologize for making that mistake. I hope you can see that it’s because I was so eager to ask you!”
For example, you might subtly point out that your partner’s sister was the one who ruined the surprise, but own up to the fact that you should have come up with a more fool-proof plan. You might also apologize for not having a good backup plan ready to go if, for instance, an unexpected restaurant shutdown messed up your proposal plan.
After apologizing and explaining what went wrong, you might say something like this: “I feel terrible that my screw-up has made you question our relationship. Can we please talk about that? I’d really like to explain why I believe we can still have a great future together. ”
Common complaints about proposals-gone-wrong include wrong ring/no ring, too soon in the relationship, public instead of private, ruined surprise, and bad timing. [6] X Research source Your partner may want you to come up with the re-proposal on your own (to prove you can get it right), or they might want to get involved with the planning. Go with whichever method they prefer.
If your proposal setting was way too low-key for your partner’s taste, for example, a super-classy engagement party brunch might really help smooth things over.
Don’t be a complete pushover here, though. Show that you have a genuine interest in the wedding (and its planning) by providing ideas and advocating for your preferences. But, when push comes to shove, compromise in your partner’s favor when making decisions.
For instance, maybe you felt let down by the size of the diamond in the engagement ring. But, was your expectation based on what your partner could reasonably afford, or on the rocks you’ve seen handed out on TV?
If, however, it feels like the proposal went bad because your partner failed to put any real effort into it, then you may have reason to wonder about their commitment to make an effort in other areas that are important to you.
If you’ve spoken many times about how you love classic proposals—e. g. , presenting a diamond ring on bended knee—and they didn’t do any of that, do they really know you as well as you thought they did? If they know how terrified you get being the center of attention and they proposed during a hockey game because it “sounded cool,” do they really take your feelings into consideration? If they asked for your parents’ blessing when you specifically requested they not do that, do they truly respect your beliefs and opinions?
Planning the wedding might also give you a newfound respect for how challenging and pressure-packed it was for your partner to try to plan a perfect proposal.
