Remember, friends rarely come knocking on your door while you sit at home playing on your laptop. If you see opportunities to get out there and meet people, take them. For example, try going to social functions at school or work. If someone invites you to a party, go for it!
For example, you could join the science club at school, the marching band, a knitting group, or any other shared-interest group. If you play instruments or sing, try joining a band or choir. Joining a sports team is a good option if you’re the athletic type or just want to try something challenging and new! If you’re religious, a church, Mosque, temple, or other house of worship is a great place to start since you and the other people there will at least have a religious faith in common.
For example, you might donate your time at a local nursing home, hospital, an animal shelter, or non-profit organization. Do an online search or call charitable organizations in your area to find volunteering opportunities near you.
For example, if you’re a parent, you might reach out to the other parents of your child’s classmates. Setting up a play-date for the kids can be a good opportunity for you to get to know some new adult friends.
You can talk to anybody: the clerk at the video store, the person sitting next to you on public transit, or the person in front of you in the lunch line. Don’t be too picky. Having good manners goes a long way. You can start talking to people by simply greeting them with a “Good morning, how are you?” as you pass them by. Showing simple good manners by greeting people makes you seem more friendly and people tend to respond well to it. It’s a great way to start communicating with people.
Do not squint, look bored, frown, or look deadpan. Try to avoid closed-off body language, like folding your arms or hanging out alone in a corner.
Try making a comment about your immediate environment. The weather is a classic: “At least it’s not raining like last week!” Make a request for help: “Can you help me carry a few boxes, if you have a minute?” or “Can you help me decide which one of these is a better gift for my mom?” Alternatively, you could offer help. For example, “Hey, do you need a hand cleaning up?” Give a compliment, such as, “That’s a nice car,” or “I love your shoes. " Avoid making the compliment too personal, though, since that can make people uncomfortable. Follow up immediately with a related question. For example, “Where’d you get those shoes? I’ve been looking for a pair like that. ”
People enjoy talking about themselves and about how great they are or look. By listening more than you talk, you will come across as a desirable friend. Show that you are listening actively by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and following up what they say with questions or comments. For example, if the other person tells you about their job, you could say something like, “Oh, cool! How did you get into that?”
Alternatively, you can open the conversation by introducing yourself. For example, you could approach a new co-worker by saying, “Hi, I’m Sophie. I don’t think we’ve officially met yet, but I work just down the hall from you!” Remember their name. If you show that you remembered things from your past conversation(s) with the person, they will see that you were paying attention and taking a genuine interest in them.
A good way to extend yourself is to say: “Well, I’ve got to go, but if you ever want to talk over lunch or coffee or anything like that, let me give you my number/e-mail address. " The other person will be more likely to meet up with you if you suggest a specific time and place. For example, you might say, “Hey, it was really fun chatting today! Would you like to get together at the Bagel Palace for coffee and a muffin on Saturday?” If it feels awkward to invite them to a one-on-one get together, consider asking them to go to a group event with you, like a party or a movie night.
If you have a club, band, church, or other group or activity that you think they might enjoy, take the opportunity to give them your number or email address and invite them to join you.
Part of being a friend is being prepared to make sacrifices of your time and energy in order to help out your friends. Just be nice. If a friend needs help with an unpleasant chore, or if they just need a shoulder to cry on, be there for them.
Check in with yourself occasionally and ask if you’re being the kind of friend you’d want to have. On the other side of the coin, ask yourself if your friend is doing their part. If not, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart talk with your friend (but take care not to make accusations or lay all the blame on them if the friendship isn’t going the way you want).
If you and your friend agree to meet somewhere, don’t be late, and do not stand them up. If you’re not going to make it on time or make it at all, call them as soon as you realize it. Apologize and ask to reschedule. Don’t make them wait for you unexpectedly; it’s rude, and it is certainly not a good way to launch a potential friendship.
You don’t want to be the person who always has a better story than anyone else, or who changes the subject abruptly instead of continuing the flow of conversation. When you’re listening, focus on what the other person is saying instead of planning what you want to say next. Avoid interrupting, and try not to offer advice unless your friend asks for it.
The key to being a good confidante is the ability to keep secrets. It’s no secret that you shouldn’t tell other people things that were told to you in confidence. Don’t talk about your friend behind their back or let them down when they’re depending on you. You can also build their trust by being honest and accountable.
A little humor always keeps conversation light and happy. People love to be around someone who makes them laugh. Friendships work best when you and your friend feel comfortable just being yourselves. Embrace your best qualities and let them shine when you’re with your friend, but don’t try to be something you’re not just to please or impress them.
Even if you don’t have time for a long conversation or get-together, let your friend know you’re still thinking about them by sending a quick text or dropping by to say “Hi. ” Maintaining a friendship is hard work. Make time and share your life with your friend. Be respectful of their decisions and share yours with them. Strive to keep in contact over time.
Cherish those friends you make who are a positive influence in your life, and do your best to be a positive influence in theirs. Leaving a friendship can be difficult, even if it’s unhealthy. If you have to end your friendship, give yourself time to grieve over the loss.
