If you’re so upset you’re unable to continue working, try to take a break. Go for a walk, take a drive, or call a friend, and try to blow off some steam for 15 minutes before going back to finish your workday.
For example, let’s say your boss passed you over for a special work trip, even though you’ve put in a lot of time and effort into the presentation for the trip. Your initial reaction may be anger, confusion, or grief, and you may even be tempted to spout off or quit your job on the spot! Beneath your surface emotions, you may also be feeling undervalued. You may feel that your boss doesn’t appreciate or see the work that you’ve done. You may be wondering if you should have been doing something differently. Work on adding the “because” to your emotions to help you understand them. “I feel hurt because my work is going to be presented by someone else,” or, “I feel angry because I’ve given a lot to the company and don’t feel appreciated. ”
Your friend may have some great advice or be able to give an outsider’s opinion if that’s something you’re open to.
Having a different perspective can help you think through how the conversation with your boss might sound.
Take your boss’s personality and communication preferences and schedule into account. If your boss is always rushing off to pick up their kids in the afternoon, maybe an early morning meeting would work best. [6] X Expert Source Shannon O’Brien, MA, EdMLife & Career Coach Expert Interview. 25 May 2021. Try saying something like, “Hi Kate, do you have time for a meeting this Wednesday? I’d like to follow up with you about my latest performance review. ”
You can’t control your boss’ response, but you can make sure you communicate clearly and ask for what you need.
For example, if you’re dealing with a harsh performance review, try saying something like this: “Last week in my performance review, you told me my work hasn’t been up to standard. I was surprised and disappointed to hear this because I hadn’t received any negative feedback on my most recent project. If there is a problem with my work, in the future I’d like to know in the moment so that I can address the issue and be a productive member of our team. Can we talk about ways I can improve so this doesn’t stay an issue?” You may want to try writing down what you plan to say or making bullet points to reference during your meeting. It can be hard to have these kinds of conversations and you may find you forget what you wanted to say at the moment.
If you find yourself playing out horrible ends to your conversation, stop, acknowledge your thoughts, and reframe them. Try thinking something like, “What if everything works out?”
Avoid touching your face or playing with your hair, as these movements can communicate insecurity.
For example, say something like, “When I was hired, I was told I would have the opportunity to work from home several days a week. When I’ve tried to implement that practice, I’ve been shut down. ”
You may say something like, “I’m disappointed that I wasn’t chosen to go on the Vancouver trip. I worked hard on that project, so I felt unseen and unappreciated when the announcement was made about who would be going. ”
You may say something like, “I need clarification about this part of my job. Can you give me more information about why there has been a delay on this?” Or, “I put in a lot of time on that project and was proud of my work. I understand some adjustments needed to be made, but I also needed to hear that my effort was noticed. ”
Hopefully, your boss responds positively and appreciates that you opened a channel for more genuine conversation. If you need to, answer any questions or ask other ones you may have.
If the experiences you’re having with your boss are chronic, you may need to think about whether or not your job is the right fit for you.
Remember that your boss won’t be able to read your body language or tone like they would if you were meeting in person. For example, an email about disappointment in getting passed over for a recent job might look something like this: “Ben, I heard that Raquel was offered the new management position earlier this week. I was disappointed to hear the news, especially since we had talked about me taking over that position at my last review. Is there something I should be doing differently to make sure I’m considered for future advancement at the company? I’m looking forward to hearing how I can improve my work and continue to be a valued member of our team. Warmly, Victoria. ”
